don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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