I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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