sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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