I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
