i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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