the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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