I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
