I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
