I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
