Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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