I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
