No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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