I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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