So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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