We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
