Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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