Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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