i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
a search helicopter?!
he fucked my hip out of place.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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