If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
