My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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