Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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