What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
