And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
