so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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