You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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