my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
