My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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