worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
