Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You dont lie about slip and slides
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
