i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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