By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize