Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
