i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
