I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
