Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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