the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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