I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
