EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pants are for mortals
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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