yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
