I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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