I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize