I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
