they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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