Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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