uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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