Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
