"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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