She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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