dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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