Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
