I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
