Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
