So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
