I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
