i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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