i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My penis needs a shock collar
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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