shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
