Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
