I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
