Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
