Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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