i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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