How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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