so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
