if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
